Category: Articles

What’s it about?:“What if…?” thinking

 

What if…

 

Your “What if…?” thinking was effecting the quality of your life?

 

You see…

 

Way too much if the time we humans engage in necessary “What if…?” thinking.

 

What if…

 

I don’t make the grade?
My headache is something serious?
My daughter crashes in her new car?
The presentation is not good enough?

 

I’m not a good mother?
I’m doing the wrong job?
I’ll never be happy?
I don’t get enough sleep again?

 

You get the idea, right?

 

And the list can be almost endless.

 

So here’s the thing…

 

“What if…?” thinking can be divided into 2 categories.

 

Those things you can do something about.
And those things you can’t do anything about.

 

For the first category – we can remove the need for the “What if…” thoughts by taking action or making a plan.

 

For example…

 

What if the presentation is not good enough?

 

Actions?

 

I’ll make sure I’m well prepared, practice with my friend and get some tips on making it better. After that there’s nothing more I can do.

 

Or another example…

 

What if I’m doing the wrong job?

 

Actions?

 

I’ll review the pros and cons of my current job. I’ll book a coaching session to review my values and what my options are. Then I’ll decide if it’s time to look for something new or not.

 

So sometimes you can easily remove the need for “What if…?” thinking and put it to bed.

 

But way too much “What if…?” thinking is not something you can do something about.

 

Things like…

 

What if the doctor’s tests are wrong and I’m not well?
What if my car breaks down on the way?

 

This is the type of thinking you need to try and remove from your life. It only generates anxiety and can’t be fixed by a simple action plan.

 

So the first step is to realise if your “What if…?” thought is something you can do something to fix or not.

 

And if it’s in the “not” camp, then bury it. Or park it. Or lock in in a secure box. Or throw it in the ocean. Or let it float away on a balloon into the sky. Or whatever picture your mind wants to create to get rid of this useless thought and remove it from your mind.

 

Easier said than done, I know.
But possible.

 

And here’s a question to ponder…

 

What if you became a master if managing your “What if…?” thinking so you had less worry in your life?

 

I’m off to minimise the “What if…?” thinking in my life.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:The LEAD Model

 

How well do you LEAD?

 

I’m talking about in any of your relationships – leader, colleague, sibling, partner, friend.

 

You see…

 

Developing a coaching style of communication will lead to better relationships and stronger bonds between you and others.

 

And in order to do this, there are 4 core skills that will LEAD you to greater relationships.

 

Listening
Empathy
Asking
Developing Rapport.

 

First of all…

 

You need to learn to become a great Listener. And I’m not just talking about pretending to listen whilst looking at your smartphone. Or even worse, “me too” listening where you just look for opportunities to jump in with your own stories.

 

I’m talking about intuitive listening – where you pay careful attention to the other person’s verbal and non-verbal communication and tune in to what your own intuition is telling you.

 

And what about Empathy?

 

For me, it’s the building block to all authentic and valuable relationships. Your ability to switch on your own “mirror neurones” and feel what the other person is feeling.

 

The Asking part of the LEAD model is simple – yet often executed so badly in relationships. It’s about asking great OPEN questions – questions that really encourage the other person to think and explore. Most likely questions that they never thought about asking themselves before.

 

And then…

 

Developing Rapport.

 

Your ability to connect with others by finding something in common.

 

The topics you talk about.
The clothes you wear.
The accent you use.
The team you support.
The shared interests you have.

 

And by the way, these 4 core competencies that will help you connect with others, are also the core skills needed to be a great coach of others.

 

I’m off to remember to LEAD more in all my relationships.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:Yin and Yang

 

Are you yanging too much?

 

Or do you engage your yin too?

 

You see…

 

There is nothing wrong with being busy.
Providing it is balanced with some healthy time switching off and recharging.

 

Something ancient Chinese wisdom has know for many years.

 

The yin and yang of life.

 

Seems to me that many people in their busy lives today are yang energy dominant.

 

Yang energy is all about doing, results, faster, more, productivity and achievement. And yang energy stimulates your sympathetic nervous to produce adrenaline and cortisol and get your mind and body ready for action.

 

And of course…

 

This is good when you want to…

 

…complete a project.
…build a house.
…beat your 100m personal best.

 

But too much yang, too much of the time, has a price.

 

And sadly…

 

Many people in the modern world don’t know how to connect with their yin energy and switch off.

 

Yin energy is all about relaxation, being not doing, meditation, not being busy and staying calm.

 

And when you engage this energy, your parasympathetic nervous system kicks in – triggering relaxation responses in your body.

 

I guess it’s not surprising that yin energy is hard to connect with for many people. The modern world is a yang dominated world all about, bigger, better, faster – more, more, more.

 

In fact…

 

Some people simply don’t know how to connect with their yin energy anymore.

 

Or even worse…

 

They actively avoid it because of fears of what stopping for a moment may reveal.

 

Things like…

 

I am unhappy with my life.
I don’t like my job.
I am unhappy with myself.

 

But these things don’t go away just because you avoid them by keeping busy.

 

So maybe it’s time to consider if you are “yanging” too much?
And if so, what can you do to restore balance in your life by allowing the balancing yin to play a bigger role in your day to day activities.

 

I’m off to remember to balance my yin and yang.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:The meaning of life and pizza

 

So what is the purpose of life?

 

And how is this connected to pizzas?

 

You see, as a wise person once said…

 

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.”

 

And for me, this means finding meaning and purpose in what you do.

 

And as approximately one third of your life is spent at work (or at play as I like to call it), that means finding something that you really connect with on a daily basis.

 

And that…

 

Can be something big, like saving the planet or changing many lives.

 

Or maybe…

 

Something seemingly small, like making pizzas.

 

You see…

 

I have chosen to connect with many people who want to make a worldwide difference through what they do.

 

But I also know many people who are truly happy and find purpose in the seemingly smaller tasks too.

 

So back to pizzas…

 

Several years ago, when I was filming the first version of my Limbic Performance System online video training programme, I was staying at a small hotel in Kaunas in Lithuania, not far from the filming studio.

 

And each night, after a long day of filming, I was pretty tired so did not feel like exploring the city.

 

So I ate at the same Italian restaurant for 5 days.

 

And the pizza chef was making pizzas in an open kitchen.

 

A man who seemed so happy each evening and appeared to love what he did.

 

So on my last evening before I retuned to the UK, I got chatting to the chef.

 

And I asked him if he was happy and found purpose in what he did.

 

He said something like this…

 

“My friend, I simply love my job. You may think I am just making pizzas. But I am making happiness. You see, I put so much care and attention into each pizza I make, so that people get the best pizza they ever had. And what’s more, they get to share it with their friends and loved ones, time and time again as they come back for more. My my job is all about happiness, not pizzas. And making people happy puts a smile on my face every single day.”

 

So sometimes…

 

Finding a job which connects with your purpose may mean thinking big and making changes.

 

But not necessarily.

 

I’m off to reconsider how what I do every day has purpose and brings happiness into this world.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:Flexibility and expectations

 

Stretching is good for you!

 

And I’m not talking about the physical kind (although that’s good too!)

 

I’m talking about stretching your expectations. Becoming more flexible in your mindset and approach to life.

 

You see…

 

Whilst it is good to have goals, if you set rigid expectations on how your life should be, it often leads to disappointment.

 

Why?

 

Because life rarely turns out exactly as planned.

 

Think about it…

 

Have you ever been really looking forward to something because you expect it to be amazing, and then been disappointed by the reality?

 

And this disappointment is generated by the gap between your rigid expectations and what actually happened.

 

For example…

 

The dream holiday which didn’t turn out as planned.
The perfect career that doesn’t meet expectations.
The ideal relationship which doesn’t fit with what you imagined.
The model parents which you never had.

 

So if you learn to be less rigid and more flexible with your expectations, you life will be contain less stress and disappointment.

 

Learning to…

 

Live life more as it happens and as it is in reality, and less as you expected it to happen.

 

Don’t get me wrong…

 

You can do so much to shape your life in a direction you want it to go. It’s just that as you shape it, if you retain a high level of flexibility you’ll find it much easier.

 

As I often say to myself…

 

“Life can be so much easier if you expect the unexpected.”

 

I’m off to make sure I don’t make too many rigid expectations of how my life should be and enjoy adapting to the reality that life presents me.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:Appreciation

 

The language you use…

a
…plays a crucial role in creating your reality.

 

For example, you get up in the morning and think to yourself, “Another stressful drive to work followed by back to back boring meetings.”

 

Now that’s a great way to set up your day, right?
Wrong!

 

And what’s more…

 

What you focus on become your reality.

 

So the focus on the “stressful drive” will almost certainly make the drive generate stress in your body.

 

The emphasis on “boring meetings” will make the meetings seem boring.

 

And that’s where AI comes in.

 

Not the Artificial Intelligence kind of AI.

 

But another AI.

 

Appreciative Inquiry.

 

A way of framing your world through appreciation, not negativity.

 

And your focus is on what worked, what works or what will work.

 

Think about it…

 

Too many organisations focus on what is broken and what needs to be fixed.
Too many people focus on what is wring with their lives.

 

But what if…

 

You turned this around.

 

So when you think of your past, you focus on your learning, growth and what you have already gained.

 

When you look at your present you focus on what you have and what you are grateful for.

 

When you look to your future you focus on what will go well and how you and others will benefit.

 

Like I said…

 

Your focus becomes your reality.

 

So what reality do you choose to focus on today?

 

I’m off to make sure I appreciate more and focus on what is right about my past, present and future.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:Will Power

 

Will Power doesn’t work!

 

Or at best it’s in limited supply.

 

That’s why…

 

So many people fail to keep up the exercise regime.
You give in to the chocolate cake when you see it.
The extra glass of wine is so hard to resist.

 

You see…

 

When you try to exercise your will power, it taxes your brain.
It drains energy.

 

And even if you can keep it up for a short time, you give in.

 

You’re caught off guard.

 

Tired after a busy day.
Stressed by the job interview.
Exhausted after another poor night’s sleep.

 

In these weaker moments, your limbic, primitive brain craves instant gratification.

 

The sugar.
The caffeine.
The dopamine rush from a Facebook like.
The alcohol.
The shopping item you don’t need.

 

In these moments, your will power doesn’t stand a chance.

 

So, as humans have a limited amount of will power, what can you do to make positive behavioural changes that doesn’t rely on will power?

 

Change your environment.

 

If you want to give up the wine/chocolate/caffeine in the evenings – don’t have them in your house!
Simply remove the temptation before your primitive brain takes over and puts you in an impossible position.

 

Want to get fitter? Start spending more time with fitness experts who live a healthy lifestyle.

 

Want to create more ideas? Spend more time with creative people or in an environment that inspires you.

 

Want to feel less negative and anxious? Stop watching the news and violent tv and feeding off the fear that they spread.

 

In fact…

 

More and more psychological evidence is emerging that clearly demonstrates the huge impact your environment has on the way you think, feel and behave.

 

So rather than looking at what you need to change and then relying on your limited will power, why not think about making sure you are surrounded by the right things, people and environment.

 

Because you and I know…

 

“If you want to fly with the eagles then don’t hang out with the ducks.”

 

I’m off to make sure my environment is helping me to create the habits I want in my life.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:Mental Health

 

It’s the fastest growing illness of our time.

 

An epidemic.
A catastrophe.
And it’s getting worse.

 

Currently 450 million people worldwide are officially
diagnosed with this illness.

 

And 1 in every 3 people will get it at some point in their life.

 

The illness topic in question?

 

MENTAL HEALTH.

 

Depression.
Anxiety.
Trauma.

 

And what’s so sad…

 

Is much of it is misunderstood and mistreated.
Not to mention the stigma attached to it.

 

The crazy, patronising and misunderstood “just get on with
it” nonsense that people seem to believe.

 

And what’s the normal medical doctor response?
Take an anti-depressant.
At best, these drugs mask and control the problem.
But they don’t solve it.
They don’t address the root cause.

 

And of course…

 

They have side-effects.

 

Drowsiness.
A loss of feeling so life becomes numb.
And a whole host of physiological affects.

 

Then, of course, there are the many different types of therapy.

 

Some are good.
Some are not so good.

 

In the UK, for example, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
has become the “go-to” approach for most doctors to refer
people to.

 

And for some, in some situations, it may be effective.

 

Problem is….

 

It is a largely rational approach.

 

And if you are traumatised, or anxious, or depressed, you are not
in a place to be rational.

 

So first of all…

 

You need tools that will help calm and manage your
overactive amygdala.
The small, almond-shaped structure in your limbic system which is
on alert when you are depressed or anxious.

 

Leaving you…

 

In a state of constant fight of flight.

 

Which leads to poor quality sleep.

 

Which means you wake feeling tired and anxious.

 

Which leads to poor sleep.

 

And so the cycle continues.

 

So it is essential that you learn how to break the cycle.

 

And the way to that successfully must be both a
mind and body approach.

 

You see…

 

Anxiety and depression can be caused by your mind, which
will have a negative impact on your body.

 

Anxiety and depression can also be caused by your body,
which will have a negative affect win your mind.

 

So an unhealthy body with an unhealthy lifestyle, poor
nutrition and that has become addicted to stimulants such
as sugar, caffeine and alcohol is always more prone to feelings
of anxiety or depression.

 

Now…

 

Whilst there is never a “one size fits all” approach to
dealing with mental health, there is so much that can be
done given the right tools – without the need for
pharmaceutical intervention.

 

The right nutrition.
Regular exercise, preferably in nature.
A good and effective therapy, such as the Human
Givens approach.
A healthy work and home environment.
A sense of meaning and purpose in what you do.
Healthy Self Belief that gives you the confidence to take care
of yourself and your energy.

 

You see…

 

Depression, anxiety and trauma are all just states of
thinking, feeling and behaviour.

 

And you can always….always…change the way you think, feel
and behave.

 

So there is always a path to a happy, healthier life.

 

I’m off to take care of my mental health by looking after my mind and my body.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:Dreams and fear.

 

Here’s a little story about most people…

 

Most people have ideas.
Most people have dreams.
Most people talk about them.
Most people think about them.
Most people DO NOTHING to make them happen.
The end.

 

Sad, but true.

 

And what’s the one BIG thing that stops people from

 

turning their dreams into reality?

 

FEAR.

 

Fear of not being good enough.
Fear of failure.
Fear of being a success. (yes some people are afraid to succeed).
Fear of loss.
Fear of security.
Fear of judgement.
Fear of…(add any additional fears you may have here)

 

You see…

 

Your dreams live on the other side of your personal fear barrier.

 

So question is…

 

What do you need to do do to get overcome your fear?

 

Do you take the metaphorical parachute jump and
just smash through it?

 

Do you befriend your fear and learn to be mindful of it?

 

Do you trivialise it and make it into something humorous?
(For example imagining your fear is hidden somewhere in
the garden and go looking for it)?

 

Do you talk it through with a therapist or qualified coach,
such as myself?

 

Or do you let it win…keeping you held back for the
rest of your life?

 

And remember…

 

Fear is an irrational emotion.
It is not you.

 

And all emotions can be managed and changed.

 

So you are always greater than fear.

 

 

I’m off to make sure my fears do not hold me back in life and make all my dreams a reality.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:Appropriate emotions

 

Are your emotions appropriate and healthy?

 

Or are your beliefs triggering emotions that are not serving you?

 

You see…

 

It’s a myth that life is about being happy all the time and only thinking positive thoughts.

 

That’s just not realistic.
It’s not human!

 

And what’s more…

 

If you don’t experience negative thoughts and emotions from time to time, you will not be able to really appreciate the positive ones. We need negative emotions to be able to appreciate feelings such as joy, love and excitement.

 

Problem is…

 

Sometimes your limiting beliefs will lead you to inappropriate emotions.

 

For example…

 

If you make a mistake it is fine to experience regret for a short time. But is inappropriate if the emotion you feel is lasting guilt.

 

If a dear friend dies, it is normal to feel sadness. But this becomes inappropriate if it leads to long term depression.

 

If your child is a little late home from school it is healthy to feel concern. But extreme anxiety is an over-reaction that helps no-one.

 

So how do emotions become inappropriate?

 

The answer lies in your unhealthy beliefs.

 

For example, let’s say a friend becomes extremely angry, perhaps even aggressive, just because someone disagrees with his political views.

 

Whilst most people are entitled to have a political view, it is your friend’s belief that only his views are right that triggers the extreme emotional response.

 

If you have a sleepless night because your training course feedback was only 92%, it may be triggered by the underlying belief of “I have to be perfect.”

 

A healthier belief of “It is human not to be perfect” would have lead to a more realistic reaction of feeling satisfied with a good result.

 

So the key questions are…

 

Do you respond to situations appropriately?

 

Or are some of your outdated, limiting beliefs triggering inappropriate over-reactions?

 

Now for the good news…

 

Beliefs are not facts.
They are subjective views you hold based on your experiences in life so far.
And all beliefs can be changed.

 

So if you want a life full of appropriate emotions, free of extreme reactions, you just need to upgrade your beliefs to healthier ones that will serve you better

 

I’m off to make sure my beliefs are healthy so that I respond appropriately to the situations I encounter.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.