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Control Freaks

What you will get: Dealing with Control Freaks


It’s my way or the highway!


Do people actually say that?


Apparently so. Or if they don’t because they realise how ridiculous it sounds, it’s what they demand at least.


And you and I know…


It’s pretty challenging trying to work or live with someone who tries to control everything.


But here’s the key question – have you ever asked yourself why they need to control?










That’s right – they are afraid of something.
Or at the very least anxious.


And why are they anxious?


Maybe controlling parents?
Perhaps low self-worth?
Could be a fear of failure?
How about perfectionism?


The list goes on.


So rather that jumping in to criticize the controlling person, how about trying to understand the cause of their over the top behaviour.


Listen to them.
Ask them open questions.
Don’t judge them.


And on top of this, you can also take the following steps to try to reduce their anxiety and need to control:


1 – Make sure they have good advanced warning of any changes that are going to happen and a clear understanding of why the changes are taking place.


2 – Never try to control them. Imagine 2 pilots fighting to control the same aircraft – it will all come crashing down!


3 – Be assertive. So keep a healthy respect for yourself and for them in any discussions, always remembering that who they are is not the same as what they do.


4 – Be authentic and always tell the truth. People who show controlling behaviour will always jump at the chance to point out any inconsistencies in what you say or do – so don’t give them the chance.


5 – Ask them how they feel about things. As negative feelings are always at the route of their controlling behaviour, the more you can help them to express their feelings the better. But remember to never judge their feelings – judgment is the enemy of understanding.


I’m off to try to understand and help someone who tries to control too much.


How about you?


To your success







Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”


Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High-Performance Leadership

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