Article Details

The 3 step process of rebuilding trust

It can take years and years to build.


And yet it can crumble into dust in just a few seconds.


I am of course talking about…




You trust someone and then suddenly…


He lies to you.
She fails to keep her promise and leaves you in an impossible situation.
He steals your idea and claims it’s his own.
She says one thing yet does another.


In fact, there are a thousand and one ways that trust can be broken.


And what’s worse…
Once it is broken it can be seemingly impossible to rebuild.


So there are 3 key steps I would like to share with you that can help you to rebuild trust. Help you reconstruct that broken bond.


And of course, before you consider these steps, you have got to really want to rebuild that trust. You have got to desire resolution.


So how do you start the rebuilding process?


Step 1 – Manage Your Emotions
Understandably, broken trust will trigger negative emotions.




But remember that most of these emotions are a cover up for the deeper emotion of hurt.


And it’s ok for you to feel hurt.
It’s ok to feel sad.
It’s ok to feel disappointment.


Being open about your vulnerability and hurt will validate it and help you come to terms with the situation.


Because if you don’t manage the negative emotions, they will manage you.


You’ll go on the attack.


You’ll defend.
You’ll give up.


And none of these reactions are helpful.


So acknowledge how you feel.
Accept it as a valid response (remember all emotions are good and honest, it is just how we choose to manage them that causes problems).
Share your emotions.


And then remember Step 2 in the rebuilding process…


Give Yourself Time.


Feelings of hurt don’t usually disappear overnight.


So take the time that you and your body need to allow the emotions you feel to fade and lose intensity.


And while the emotions are still strong, resist the temptation to make hasty decisions.


Remember, when you are emotionally charged, that’s when you say or do things you may regret.


It is only when your emotions have settled that you can see the true picture, review the many options you have, and then, act wisely.


And once you have given yourself the time you need, should you choose to, you are ready to move on to Step 3:


Rebuild the Trust


This will take time again, so be realistic and patient.


Start to give time to the relationship again.


Openly and respectfully share how you felt and now feel about the breakdown of trust (never do this until you have done Steps 1 and 2)


Create an emotionally safe place to share.


See the rebuild process as an opportunity to build some new, stronger foundations.


Be clear on the lessons you have learned.


Be clear on what you want for the future of the relationship.


And finally, take the leap of faith and let go of your mistrust.


I’m off to let go of any unhealthy mistrust and rebuild some strong, healthy relationships built on the foundations of concrete trust.


How about you?


To your happiness and fulfillment.



Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”


Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership

LPS Results Stories