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Too much confidence

What’s it about?:Having too much of something that everybody wants


Apparently, it’s something that everybody wants…


And self-help authors and trainers have made lots of money from selling ideas on how you can develop it.


But is it an overrated concept?


I am talking about Self Confidence.


You see…


I prefer to talk about Realistic Confidence.


If you and I simply focus on a linear Confidence Scale, then more is not always better.


Too much Confidence leads to over confidence.
Unrealistic claims.
The “I can do anything” approach, when clearly this is not the case.
The job interviewee who never meets the expectations he portrayed.
An inflated ego.


But then of course…


The other end of the Confidence Scale is not a good place to be either.
Under Confidence.
An “I can’t” attitude.
Underestimating your true abilities and talent.


So how do you get the Confidence Balance right?
How do you get Realistic Self Confidence.


Well, as I see it…


Realistic and healthy confidence needs to be first grounded in healthy Self Belief.


And how do you get that?


By learning to respect and like yourself for who you are, irrespective of what you do or achieve.


It’s strange, isn’t it…


How schools (and often parents ) tend to praise children for what they achieve. But rarely are kids praised for who they are.


You see…


Confidence is about what you do.
Self Belief is about who you believe you are and how much you accept yourself.
Without condition.


And if you create…


A dependency purely on what you do, you are likely to develop a Conditional Self Belief.


I am ok AS LONG AS…


I have a big car.
I do better than others.
I am perfect.
I wear designer clothes
I always come first.
I help others
I have an amazing tanned body.
I am intelligent.


And of course…


You may argue, that many of the above are healthy qualities.


But not if you NEED them in order to accept and like yourself.


How about…


I am ok, because I am me.
I am ok, because I am enough.


An unconditional respect for yourself and who you believe you are.
Healthy Self Belief.


Which automatically leads to Realistic Self Confidence…


“I know I am good at tennis and that’s great, but more importantly I respect myself as a person.”


I know I’m not good at presentations and that’s fine, because I still respect who I am. And if I want to I can learn to become a good presenter. But my emotional health does not depend on it.”


I’m off to be realistically confident about my abilities, and always remember who I am is more important than what I do.


How about you?


To your fulfilment.





Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”


Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

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