Emotional Unintelligence
What you will get: Reflections on what is emotionally unintelligent behaviour.
Have you ever wondered…
If the people you work with are sometimes (ok always!) lacking in emotional intelligence?
Well, I’ve compiled this list of 7 typical behaviours you might see from an emotionally unintelligent person. And before you read this list, there are 2 key things to remember.
First of all…
One of the foundations of emotional intelligence is to value others – so whilst you may have some challenges with aspects of another person’s behaviour, it is never acceptable to judge them as a bad person.
And secondly, emotional intelligence is about how well someone is currently managing the personality they have got. So ALL aspects of EI are developable!
And by the way…
If you have someone in mind as you read through this, I don’t recommend you go and show them the list with a comment like…
“So now I have evidence you are emotionally unintelligent. What are you going to do about it?” ☺
So, onto the list…
- 1. They do not manage their emotions very well.
- 2. They are not humble.
- 3. They are unaware of the impact of their behaviour on others.
- 4. They lack empathy.
- 5. They focus mostly on what is wrong.
- 6. They have closed or aggressive body language.
- 7. They don’t listen
Do they sometimes shout? Or attack others? Or interrupt regularly. Or like the sound of their own voice and talk, talk and then talk some more?
A classic sign of low self-belief is to boast about your abilities, successes, car, money, etc. And be over-confident and arrogant. If you have a healthy, balanced, self-belief you never need to tell others how great you are.
So it’s one thing to not manage their own emotions. But to make it worse, they seem to have no awareness of how their behaviour is impacting on others. Do they realise that conflict resolution is not just about winning at any cost, but it’s about building rapport, good listening skills and creating a connection with the other person?
A core ability of any great leader is to be able to put yourself in the shoes of other people. So is your colleague able to connect with the emotional states of others, sensing when they are unhappy?
Apart from themselves of course, everyone needs to improve. So they will show a lack of positivity and generally give negative feedback. Emotionally intelligent people give feedback in a ratio of 3 positive comments to every 1 negative.
Hands on hips? Closed arms? Too much staring so it feels uncomfortable. Voice to loud? Pointing and other aggressive gestures? Power dress to show they are in charge? Try to show their status through expensive possessions? You know who I’m talking about. ☺
So they may be sat next to you “pretending” to listen. But they’re not really listening. You know they will interrupt, have a better idea and generally ignore what you are saying. And of course, if they get even slightly bored when you are speaking, they will show it. Attention goes to the mobile phone or some other distraction.
Now of course, I could continue with this list – but you get the point right?
So what can you do about this?
Well the first thing to remember is…
You cannot change another person!
They must firstly recognize that there is something to change and then they must really want to do something about it.
And here’s the good news…
If they do want to change they can.
Like I said before, all aspects of emotional intelligence are changeable and developable.
So with a little dedicated time, energy, and focus, combined with the rights material (such as my online development programme, the Limbic Performance System), miracles can happen!
And what do you do in the meantime?
Well focus on being the opposite of the 7 traits I described here.
Because you and I know…
Two wrongs don’t make a right!
I’m off to live an emotionally intelligent life.
How about you?
To your success
Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”
Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High-Performance Leadership
