Author: stevenewadmin

What you will get: A reminder of the key drivers to take action.

 

Too much pain is not good for you…

 

Yet still I see the “pain” approach dominate in many organisations.

 

So what am I talking about?

 

Motivation.

 

You see…

 

There are 2 key drivers that motivate you to take action in your life – pain and pleasure.

 

For example, did you buy a new car because you love the new model (pleasure) or because your old car broke down (pain)?

 

Did you start eating healthy food because you love the taste and energy it gives you (pleasure) or because your health was in a bad way and you were forced to change your diet (pain)?

 

Did you write the report because you love writing reports (pleasure) or because your boss will fire you if you don’t (pain)?

 

(And yes, there are a few people out there who do like writing reports!)

 

And of course…

 

Often it is a combination of both pleasure and pain that drives us to take action. So maybe you do enjoy a healthy salad and, at the same time, you know you have to lose weight.

 

Problem is…

 

Like I said, too many people and organisations rely predominantly on pain as a motivator.

 

And contrary to the popular saying…

 

No pain no gain…

 

A more accurate saying is…

 

Too much pain again and again will give no gain at all!

 

Here’s an example…

 

I have recently been taking my 6 month old puppy, Odi, to dog training.

 

The first trainer I saw used a pure pain approach to try to motivate me to take action.

 

Things like…

 

If you don’t train your dog to come back it could hurt or scare someone and that’s irresponsible as a dog owner.

 

If you don’t stop him biting now you will have problems later on.

 

After a while, I got tired of these pain motivators and went to another trainer.

 

And she said something like…

 

“It’s normal for a puppy to want to play so make coming back to you fun by always having a toy for him to play with”

 

and…

 

“Puppies like to bite so when he does give him something he can bite and play with, and reward him when he does.”

 

Big difference, right?

 

So how can you use this?

 

Well first, think about how you motivate yourself to make changes in your life.

 

Do you wait until things are really bad before you take action?
Or do you focus more on the gains you will get when you succeed in making the changes you want to make?

 

And then, of course…

 

There’s your communication culture at work.

 

Focus more on the benefits people will get in achieving their purposeful goals, and less on the consequences and drawbacks if they don’t.

 

And it is true…

 

That both pleasure and pain are motivators to take action.

 

But I find a balance of mostly pleasure with the occasional reminder of pain works best.

 

How about you?

 

To your success

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

P.S. Great news, my brand new True Success online webinar programme will give you all the tools and guidance you need to make 2016 your most successful year ever. Details to follow soon…

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High-Performance Leadership

What you will get: A review of your personal values alignment.

 

Are you on the right path?

 

Or have you strayed off?

 

And what’s more?

 

Do you even know it?

 

You see…

 

One of the definitions of your Personal Values is “those things that matter most you in life.”

 

Yet sadly…

 

Many people never get to find out what their values are.
And they wake up one day knowing they are unhappy and not even knowing why.

 

One of the 17 scales of my Limbic Performance System is called “Personal Values Alignment” and it explores the degree to which you feel your life is currently in line with those things that matter most to you – your personal values

 

Here’s 5 questions that will help you to reflect on that right now. You should answer them all “Agree” or “Disagree”. (These questions are adapted from my online Limbic Performance Indicator measurement tool):

 

I often compromise my true self and what is important to me

I seem to change the way I behave to fit the circumstances, at the expense of being true to myself

I am not consciously aware of what is really important to me and rarely stop and think about this.
I am not really aware of what my personal values are.

I don’t really regard myself as a principled person, with behaviour driven by my own ethics and morals
So if you agree with any of the above, maybe it’s time to review your path right now?

 

And from my experience…

 

People don’t usually leap off their values path all at once. Instead, they slowly stray off it, one tiny step at a time.

 

Until one day…

 

They wake up and realise they are lost and can’t even see the path they are meant to be on anymore.

 

Or as Stephen Covey describes it, many people climb up their ladder of goals but don’t find out until it’s too late that it’s leaning against the wrong wall.

 

And…

 

“If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.”

 

So as we move into this New Year, and you set yourself goals, stop and think about the path you are on and make sure you don’t drift too far away from those things that matter most to you – your personal values.

 

I’m off to have a gentle walk along my values path and cherish every single step of the journey.

 

How about you?

 

To your success

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

P.S. Great news, my True Success online webinar programme will give you all the tools and guidance you need to make 2016 your most successful year ever. Details to follow soon.

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High-Performance Leadership

What you will get: Reflection on what success really means to you

 

“Here’s to Your Success in 2016!”

 

But before you jump in and automatically say:

 

“Hell yeah!”

 

Maybe it’s worth stopping for a moment and reflecting on what success really means to you.

 

You see…

 

Your success needs to be your success.

 

Sounds obvious I know.

 

But far too many people spend their time and energy chasing someone else’s success.

 

That could be…

 

What your parents expect of you.
What advertising and marketing people portray as the ideal look and lifestyle.
What society has defined as a successful person.

 

So here’s a simple question…

 

What does success really mean to you?

 

It may be that your answer fits in with what other people would define as successful. Or it may be that is doesn’t.

 

Both answers are fine.

 

What I do know is that empty success without meaning and purpose is worthless.

 

Yet sadly…

 

Far too many people seem to fall into the wealth trap.

 

So success for them simply means the acquisition of more wealth.

 

But you and I know that wealth without meaning and purpose is no guarantee of happiness.

 

In fact, recent studies from the World Health Organisation on happiness show that the highest levels of suicide and mental illness occur in the so-called “wealthiest” countries. And what’s more, it’s the wealthiest groups of those societies that are suffering most.

 

So as you and I set out to make 2016 your most successful year yet, make sure your definition of success belongs to you and only you.

 

Success that makes your heart sing.
Success that fills you with pride and inspiration.
Success that makes a difference to you and others.

 

After all, it’s your life, right?

 

And you only get one shot at it.

 

So if you feel that you currently live the life others expect of you, then maybe it’s time to make that change in 2016?

 

Or maybe you feel trapped in the pursuit of meaningless material wealth?

 

Or maybe you feel tied to a job where there is pressure to make more and more money without any consideration for you or others?

 

I’m off to make 2016 my most successful year yet.

 

How about you?

 

To your success

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

P.S. Watch this space for some very exciting news coming soon in the New Year!

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High-Performance Leadership

What you will get: Reflections on taking responsibility for your life.

 

“It’s your responsibility!”

 

What is?

 

Your life.
Your happiness.
Your success.

 

You see…

 

Over the last 20 years, I have been privileged to work in the helping industry, helping more than 14,000 clients (they feel more like friends to me) to help themselves.

 

And the key words here are…

 

“to help themselves.”

 

Far too many people go to personal development training or read personal development books expecting some kind of miracle to happen when they have attended the training or read the book.

 

But…

 

attending the training,
reading the book,
watching the training film

 

…will not make the change happen – you will!

 

My job as a consultant is to provide inspiration, tools, ideas, and solutions you can apply.

 

And you can bet I’ve got lots of those!

 

But the motivation to translate those tools into action has to come from inside of you.

 

You know…

 

Miracles can happen.

 

You can change your life.
You can create more happiness for yourself.
You can make your dreams a reality.

 

I’ve seen this happen with so many of my friends (clients).

 

But for those clients I have helped where miracles have happened they put three magic ingredients into their miracle cake….

 

Their time.
Their energy.
Their focus.

 

I can give you the best recipe to bake your miracle cake.
I can show you how to bake the cake.
I can even support you while you are baking it.

 

But YOU and only YOU can bake it.

 

I am currently working on a brand new Ultimate Success webinar programme for you, and details will follow in early 2016.

 

And next week I will start to explore what Success really means.

 

And for now,

 

I’d like to ask you a simple question….

 

There are 3 frogs sitting on a lilypad, and 1 of the frogs decides to jump off.

 

How many frogs are left on the lilypad?

 

…3 of course.

 

Why?

 

Because deciding to jump is not the same as actually jumping!

 

We are now coming up to the time of year when many people decide to make changes to their lives.

 

A fresh start.
A new year.
A new beginning.

 

And that’s just great. One of my favourite sayings of all time is….

 

“You can’t go back and start at the beginning again…but you can start again now and create a new ending.”

 

But you have to take action in order to make that new ending a reality.

 

Are you ready to jump off your lilypad in 2016? I know I am.

 

To your success

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

P.S. Watch this space for some very exciting news coming soon in the New Year!

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High-Performance Leadership

What you will get: How to feel pure joy this Christmas.

 

“The secret to true happiness…”

 

Is a question many people have attempted to anwser.

 

And of course…

 

There is no simple answer to this question.

 

It depends on how you define happiness?

 

I prefer to focus on feelings. And in particular the feeling of pure joy we get in those special moments in life.

 

And joy is something that can be measured.

 

You see…

 

When you experience joy, we get chemical changes in the body. For example, our serotonin levels go up.

 

So that leads me to a very important question:
How can you increase your levels of serotonin and experience more joy in your life?

 

Well, according to research done by Richard Layard in his famous book “Happiness”, it is easier than you may think.

 

And it may surprise you…

 

Lasting joy does not come from getting a new iPhone.
Or a new Nintento.
Or the latest designer gear from Armani.

 

These things all give a dopamine rush, so you get a short-lived feeling of happiness.

 

But it is short-lived. It goes as quickly as it comes, like an autumn leaf drifting past in the wind.

 

And you and I know, it is expensive, wasteful and unwise to keep trying to get this dopamine rush by buying more and more things.

 

That’s why…

 

So much is wasted each year on Christmas gifts that don’t give people lasting feelings of happiness.

 

So what’s the biggest gift you can give to yourself and others at this festive time of year (and actually any time of year!)?

 

A simple act of kindness.

 

Like authentically telling your partner you love them.
Or visiting a lonely old lady who has had no visitors for days.
Or sharing with your friends why they mean so much to you.

 

And here’s the great news…

 

Each time you share a genuine act of kindness with another human being…

 

You experience a serotonin kick inside and get a feeling of pure joy.

 

And what’s more…

 

It doesn’t cost anything.
Not even a single dime!
It’s absolutely free!

 

So if you want to make this a really special holiday period for yourself and those around you, go speak from your heart and tell your loved ones you love them and why you love them.

 

I’m off to make this the most joyous Christmas I can.

 

How about you?

 

To your success

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

P.S. Watch this space for some very exciting news coming soon in the New Year!

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership

What you will get: Reflections on being goal directed in the right direction.

 

“Goals are good”

 

And what’s more…

 

They are essential if you are to succeed andmake your dreams a reality.

 

Problem is…

 

Simply setting goals is not enough.

 

You might be a fantastic planner.
You might be SMARTER than Sherlock Holmes after 3 shots of espresso.
You might be the able to produce a goal plan more sophisticated and detailed than the London underground map.

 

But sadly…

 

This is all a waste of time, if your goals are taking you to the wrong place.

 

After all…

 

You wouldn’t jump in a taxi and say to the driver “it doesn’t matter where you take me as long as it’s fast and effective and well planned.”

 

So how come…

 

So many people keep on setting goals for themselves without asking exactly where the goals will take them and, more importantly, why they are doing them in the first place!

 

As Steven Covey describes in his famous book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” so many people climb to the top of their goal ladder and only when they get to the top do they realise that the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall!

 

So even when you achieve your goals, it feels empty and unrewarding.

 

First of all…

 

Make sure your goals are in line with your personal values.

 

And what are your personal values?

 

Those things that matter most to you in your life.

 

Could be things like trust, respect, love, openness or fun.
Or maybe you value serenity, collaborating or freedom?
How about professionalism, achievement or making a difference?

 

The list of values goes on and on – and yours are unique to you.

 

(If you want to know more about how to know what your personal values are and how to integrate them into your daily life this is a topic I cover in detail as part of my online video programme the Limbic Performance System)

 

As Goethe so wisely stated:

 

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”

 

And you and I know we are not like the many headless chickens out there, madly running after anything that comes their way.

 

As the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland once said to Alice:

 

‘If you don’t know where you are going, it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

 

One way of making sure you know where you are going in your life and go the right way is to make your own personal passion plan.

 

It’s personal because it is connected to your bigger purpose.
It’s passionate because it is grounded in your values.
And it’s planned because it’s realistic and broken down into small steps.

 

For example, here’s mine…

 

Personal Purpose: To make a difference to millions of people by sharing from my heart the best tools I know from the world’s of psychology and neuroscience.

 

Passion: To fulfill my purpose with integrity, inspiration, honesty, authenticity and fun.

 

Plan: To have shared my online Limbic Performance System programme with at least 20 million people by the year 2020.

 

I’m off to take the next step up my purpose and values-based goal ladder and fulfill my personal passion plan.

 

How about you?

 

To your success

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

P.S. Watch this space for some very exciting news coming soon!

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership

What you will get: To learn how to worry well.

 

“Baby don’t worry…about a thing…”

 

Coz every little thing, gonna be alright!

 

At least that’s what Bob Marley said.

 

Unfortunately, Bob’s advice doesn’t work.

 

You see…

 

Telling someone who is worrying not to worry is a bit like telling an Italian not to eat his mamma’s homemade pasta because it is unhealthy. It won’t work!

 

The problem is worrying creates stress. And stress can cause problems such as raised blood pressure, sleepless nights and digestion problems.

 

And problems in the gut lower your immune function, so you get ill.

 

And that gives you even more to worry about!

 

Once upon a time…

 

Lots of worrying was a good thing.

 

Thousands of years ago, worrying about real threats (no food, sabre-toothed tigers and savaging tribes, for example) ensures our survival.

 

You see…

 

The idea of “man the hunter” is a bit of a myth.

 

We have survived as a species by being “man the cautious coward who keeps his head down and avoids danger whenever possible.”

 

So like I said, once upon a time, worrying helped us survive.

 

Problem is…

 

For those of us in the developed world, we don’t need to worry anything like as much as we used to.

 

Last time I looked, for example, the most dangerous thing we could come across on our way to work is a really awful Starbucks coffee.

 

But, as I said, simply saying “Don’t worry” to someone who worries too much is not the answer.

 

Instead, you can teach yourself to worry well.

 

So imagine…

 

That you keep all of your worries firmly locked away in a secure box. And you are allowed to let all of your worries out of your closed worry box for just 15 minutes a day.

 

And when…

 

You let them out, ask yourself these questions…

 

“What am I worried about?”

 

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

 

“What’s the best that could happen?”

 

“What things are under my control now that I can do to lessen the worry?”

 

“What things are not under my control that I can lock away back in my worry box and forget?”

 

And remember…

 

Whether you are worrying about your kids, a relationship issue or a business decision…

 

It’s only a small thing in the bigger scheme of things.

 

Just take a look up at the stars tonight if you need reminding that we are just but a tiny dot in a big universe…

 

And your worrying about a particular thing is just a tiny dot in your overall life.

 

I’m off to have a worry free day.

 

How about you?

 

To your success

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

P.S. Watch this space for some very exciting news coming soon!

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership

What you will get: Reflections on just being yourself.

 

“Just be yourself”

 

That’s what people often say.

 

After all, how difficult can it be to just be you every day?

 

Yet sadly…

 

Many people aren’t.

 

They feel they have to play a role.
They feel they have to meet the expectations of others.
They feel they have to fit it.

 

Now don’t get me wrong…

 

Living a life true to your values and personality isn’t easy.
It takes time and effort.

 

But living a life not true to your values is much harder.

 

And in the long term, it fills you with bitterness and regret.

 

Trying to be someone you are not will always leave you feeling unfulfilled. And it will drain your energy.

 

And as Bronnie Ware discovered when she interviewed dying people about regret in their lives, the biggest regret of all was:

 

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

 

When asked to explain this regret, Bronnie adds:

 

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

 

So never, ever forget…

 

You are unique.

 

You have a unique personality.
You have unique values.
You are the only person on this planet with your beliefs.

 

There is only one true way of leading your life during this short time you spend on this planet – your way!

 

So rather than focusing on what you are not, why not stop and celebrate who you are.

 

And then…

 

When you are sure you are proud to be you, go share you with the rest of the world.

 

Authentically.
Boldy.
Confidently.

 

And remember…

 

It takes no energy or effortat all to just be you.

 

I’m off to celebrate my uniqueness and share it with the world.

 

How about you?

 

To your success

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

P.S. Watch this space for some very exciting news coming soon!

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership

What you will get: Reflections on living in the now

 

“Life will be better when…”

 

I get a new job.
I get married.
I get a second child.
I finish my exams.
I have my summer holiday.
I get this project finished.
I get a new car.
My internet connection is faster.
I move to a bigger house.
My partner gets a promotion.

 

And the list goes on and on…

 

And sadly…

 

For many people, the list never comes to an end.

 

So they live their lives with the false belief that things will get better once some challenge is overcome.

 

But you and I know this is just not true, right?

 

You see…

 

There will always be challenges….

 

Things we want to be different.
Relationships that are not perfect.
Finances that could be better.
Children who need to grow up.
Jobs that don’t make us happy.

 

And it is true that we should all strive to get the most from our lives, always looking to develop and become wiser.

 

But the reality is…

 

The only true happiness you will ever find is in the moment of NOW.

 

Always remember…

 

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

 

And if you notice them, you can find pure joy in the special moments that life gives you.

 

The fresh smell of your favourite coffee.
The purity of your daughter’s smile.
The laughter you share with your closest friend.

 

So make sure you don’t live your life allowing the words “life will be better when…” forming your reality.

 

Otherwise, you are in danger of making the obstacles you think you need to overcome your life.

 

So today, why not…

 

Love like you’ve never been hurt?
Laugh until your stomach muscles ache?
Dance like no one is watching you?

 

And embrace life to the full.

 

After all, we only get one shot at it, right?

 

I’m off to enjoy a day full of joyful moments.

 

How about you?

 

To your success

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

P.S. Watch this space for some very exciting news coming soon!

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership

What you will get: A 3 dimensional view of conflict

 

“Kill or be killed?”

 

Attack or run away?
Fight or flight?

 

Classic ineffective ways of dealing with conflict.

 

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

 

You see…

 

There is a middle ground.

 

A place of mutual respect for yourself and the other person.
A win-win place.
A place where conflicts are resolved in the best way possible.

 

But first…

 

You need to know how to access this place.

 

And a vital step in effective conflict resolution is to realize that all conflicts can be viewed from 3 dimensions.

 

Most people know their own dimension
It’s how they feel. It’s how they behave. It’s how they think.

 

But this is only 1 perspective.

 

Perspective number 2 is also important.

 

It means stepping into the other person’s shoes.

 

Stop for a moment…

 

And try to think of a recent conflict you were involved in.

 

Now imagine that you are the other person…

 

What are they feeling?
What are they thinking?
What is their body language like?
What are their expectations of you?
How are you meeting their expectations?
How are you not meeting their expectations?
What is important to them in this conflict?
In what ways is your behaviour impacting on them?

 

Looks different from the other side, doesn’t it?

 

Now, how about the most important dimension of all…

 

The 3rd dimension.

 

The neutral observers perspective.

 

Think about that same conflict again, but this time from a neutral observer’s position.

 

What do you notice about your own behaviour and attitude?
What is your body language saying?
What do you notice about the other person’s behaviour?
What is their body language saying?
What is working in your communication?
What is not working?

 

And now, having viewed the conflict from 3 perspectives, what have you learned?

 

Funny, isn’t it, how stepping out of yourself can reveal new insights.

 

You see…

 

Conflict is rarely a problem.
It’s the way it is dealt with that causes the problem.

 

And you will never see this until you open your mind to the 3 conflict dimensions.

 

I’m off to see a recent disagreement I had from 3 different perspectives.

 

How about you?

 

To your success

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

P.S. Watch this space on some very exciting news coming soon!

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership