Author: stevenewadmin

What you will get: Clarity on what REALLY makes humans happy.

 

“Money can’t buy you love (or happiness)”

 

If there’s one question I’ve been asked more than any, it has to be,

 

“Steve, what makes people happy?”

 

My answer?

 

I don’t know. It’s a personal, subjective thing, right?

 

But I do have some pretty good guidelines I can share with you taken from credible psychological studies.

 

You see…

 

Money doesn’t make anyone happy.

 

Sure it gives security.
Sure it gives choice.
Sure it gives status.

 

But it won’t ever make your heart sing.

 

And it won’t be what you think about on your deathbed when you reflect back on the happiest moments of your life.

 

Psychological studies agree with me.

 

And here’s the great news!

 

To start boosting how happy you feel today is free and it’s easy.

 

So here’s just 5 proven tips to rocket your happiness levels into the next galaxy…

 

1 – Grab 7 minutes of exercise per day

 

…and let those feel-good endorphins fly into your body and energise you.

 

2 – Give more authentic compliments

 

It’s true, a genuine act of giving a compliment to another person (“you look great today”, “I just love your enthusiasm”)
will boost serotonin levels in your blood and you’ll feel great.

 

3 – Dream dream dream

 

You see, sleep is our natural way of dumping any negative emotions (we dream out suppressed negative energy!).
So if you had any challenges the day before, providing you get a good night of healthy sleep and had several dream cycles, you will wake feeling fresh.

 

You have dumped your emotional baggage in the land of dreams and are free and ready for the challenges of the new day

 

4 – Smile and laugh more

 

Young kids laugh or smile around 500 times a day on average. Busy executives are lucky if they top 15 smiles a day on average.

 

Each time we smile it increases our levels of happy hormones and improves our attention and focus.

 

So who’s smartest here, kids or executives?

 

Make a conscious effort to smile and laugh more.

 

5 – Be more and do less

 

Your official title is a human being, not a human doing.

 

So why is it that so many people do, do and do more but don’t prioritise time just to “be”?

 

And what is being?

 

It could be many things…

 

A reflective, peaceful walk in nature.
Meditating and learning to switch off your busy thoughts. Time relaxing with your favourite music.

 

There are endless ways to “be”, you just need to prioritise them.

 

Here’s to the happy times ahead 

 

Your success partner

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

Want more time, less stress and better results?

 

The Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership is here to help you  – Steve Neale’s BRAND NEW online leadership programme.  Click here to watch an exciting new video all about the LPS!

What you will get: A reflection on people trying to hold you back in life.

 

“Boiling frogs, whining dogs and clinging crabs”

 

Have you ever tried boiling a frog?

 

You see, if you just try to throw it in boiling water, it will jump out!

 

But if you put the frog in cold water, and heat the water gradually, the poor little green thing will stay in the water until its legs are good to eat at a French fine dining restaurant!

 

Many people are the same.

 

So many people gradually let their life around them slip into boring routine, until 1 day they realise they have been unhappy for a long, long time.

 

Now let me tell you about the whining dog story…

 

One day, Up the happy dog, was minding his own business, happily leaving his scent on somebody’s front garden.

 

Suddenly he heard an awful whining sound – so awful that it made his ears prick up and his tail drop in fear.

 

He instinctively ran in the direction of the sound and soon found a very sad, unhappy looking dog called Down.

 

“What on earth is the matter?” asked Up
“I have my paw stuck on this nail,” replied Down the dog
“So why don’t you take it off the nail?” inquired Up

 

At that moment, Down paused and thought hard about Up’s question.

 

“I guess I’ve just got used to it being there,” said Down.

 

Many people are the same.

 

So even when many people realise that life sucks, they do nothing. They are unhappy in their job. They are in the wrong relationship. Their health is suffering due to stress.

 

They do nothing about it – because they’ve learned to live with it. (and may even have become addicted to suffering)

 

Now thankfully, you and I are not like the frog or Down the dog. We both realise that you can always change.

 

Change the way you think.
Change the way you feel.
Change the way you behave.

 

And that’s where the clinging crabs come in.

 

You see, I live in a small fishing village, and every summer kids (and their parents) like to catch crabs from the harbour and put them in a bucket.

 

Once there are a few crabs in the bucket, invariably one of the crabs will make a move and try and climb out.

 

What do you think the other crabs do?

 

They cling onto the escaping crab and pull it back into the bucket!

 

Many people are the same.

 

So you have decided you don’t want to be a boiling frog or a whining dog. You have wisely chosen a path of lifelong learning, because you know you can always grow, change and learn.

 

As some of the “crabs” in your life see you do this, they will try and pull you back in the bucket.

 

Telling you it won’t work.
Telling you not to do it.
Telling you that you can’t change.

 

And what should you do with these clinging crabs?

 

Ignore them.
Refuse to be pulled back.
And set yourself free from that crab bucket once and for all.

 

Because only you can do that.

 

Your success partner

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale

 

P.S. No frogs, dogs or crabs were harmed in the writing of this Monday Motivation Message!

 

P.P.S Please don’t try to boil a frog

 

“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

Want more time, less stress and better results?

 

The Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership is here to help you  – Steve Neale’s BRAND NEW online leadership programme.  Click here to watch an exciting new video all about the LPS!

What you will get: A reminder about stress and the power of thoughts.

 

“What do you do in the shower every morning?”

 

So I guess you had a shower this morning?

 

You know…

 

We can learn lots from our morning shower.

 

Operating a shower is one of those subconscious habits that you have learned. Just like driving a car or making a cup of coffee, you don’t have to think hard to achieve it.

 

You just do it.

 

And that frees up your conscious mind to think about other things. And those thoughts you have are crucial to your health, success and motivation each day.

 

So when you get in the shower, do you CHOOSE to think about positive or negative things? (because you are not your thoughts, so you can choose them).

 

Are you mindful of the fresh smell of the new shower gel you bought?
Do you focus on the wonderful day on the beach you had last month with your family, feeling the gentle breeze on your skin and smelling the fresh smell of the salt water?

 

Or do you decide to increase your own stress levels?

 

That’s right, so much of the stress many people experience is created by their own thoughts.

 

All thoughts are electrical energy. This electrical energy gets converted into chemical energy via hormonal changes in the body.

 

So negative thoughts create stress related hormones, like cortisol. Keep choosing to have them and you will feel more stressed.

 

Most stress is an “inside job”!

 

Imagine that your body is as garden and your mind is the gatekeeper, carefully selecting which thoughts you choose to let into that garden.

 

Are you actively letting in more positive thoughts, allowing your garden to flourish and the flowers to grow?

 

Or do you let those unnecessary negative thoughts slip through the gates, growing as weeds in your garden and killing the flowers?

 

Makes sense to take more care of your garden.

 

What do you think?

 

Your success partner

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

Want more time, less stress and better results?

 

The Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership is here to help you  – Steve Neale’s BRAND NEW online leadership programme.  Click here to watch an exciting new video all about the LPS!

What you will get: An understanding of the dangerous victim trap.

 

 

“Don’t catch Victimitis”

 

It’s everywhere. And it’s spreading fast.

 

Do you know someone who’s got it?

 

What am I talking about?

 

The horrible disease of “Victimitis.” The contagious habit of blaming others and acting like a Victim.

 

Here’s some common symptoms I’ve heard recently:

 

“It’s the marketing team’s fault”
“I get so annoyed every time my boss does that”
“It’s just not fair how some people get all the luck”
“It’s just the way it is”
“I blame the government”
“The world’s in a terrible state”
“Things aren’t as they used to be”
“I’ll never be good enough”
“I wish I had more money”
“I never have enough time”

 

Any of those sound familiar?

 

You see…

 

Victimitis is a disease, and like most diseases it can be cured.

 

How?

 

By developing a sense of personal power and taking charge of your life.

 

I call it “inside out” living – create the world you want in your mind then make it happen as a reality on the outside world.

 

But sadly…

 

Many people live an “outside in” life – passively responding to the negativity of the outside world and then complaining about it.

 

So, if you are unhappy with a boss/colleague/friend/human being/circumstance/situation…

 

What are you doing to change it?

 

For example, if you know people who have an annoying habit of interrupting you, have you taken the time to:

 

• explain that they do it (they may not even be aware)?
• tell them how you feel when they do it?
• tell them the impact this has on you?
• ask them not to?

 

You see, people are not mind readers, so complaining to others won’t change anything (but it will spread a little negativity around)

 

Now don’t get me wrong…

 

I’m not saying it is easy. But it is necessary.

 

Playing the Victimitis “blame game” is a lose-lose situation – nothing changes and you don’t feel any better.

 

And here’s another thing…

 

You can’t change other people.
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
Not ever.

 

So don’t waste your time and energy waiting for that change to happen

 

But you can ALWAYS change the way YOU think, feel and behave in situations. So focus on that, and create the world you want.

 

Give it a try – it really is that simple!

 

Your success partner

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

Want more time, less stress and better results?

 

The Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership is here to help you  – Steve Neale’s BRAND NEW online leadership programme.  Click here to watch an exciting new video all about the LPS!

What you will get: Clarity on how to boost motivation using feedback.

 

Welcome to your brand new e-zine!

 

You know recently I’ve found myself bursting with thoughts, reflections and tools that I just want to share with you.

 

And as you may know, I’m passionate about helping you to become happier, more successful and create your ideal lifestyle.

 

So I’ve decided to start this weekly e-zine – where every Monday I will give you free’ advice, tools and ideas from my years of working with emotional intelligence, performance and leadership.

 

So let’s get started with edition 1!

 


“What can you learn from Lithuanian beggars and from children?”

 

I thought he was going to hit him.

 

There I was, enjoying a cool glass of Chardonnay and minding my own business when the beggar reacted.

 

I was sitting outside a regular watering hole, in the heart of Vilnius old town.
A place where beggars often approach you and ask for any small change you can spare.

 

I’d been observing this one beggar for about half an hour, during which time he made several unsuccessful attempts to get some money from punters.

 

But one tourist really triggered a reaction in the beggar.

 

You see…

 

He completely ignored him.
No eye contact.
No recognition.
No respect.

 

The more the beggar asked for some kind of acknowledgement that he existed, the more the tourist ignored him.

 

Until the point that the beggar’s blood was boiling – and he even lifted his arm to attack.

 

(thankfully the waitress jumped in at this point and he walked away)

 

So this got me thinking that beggars are no different to children.

 

And what’s more…

 

Children are no different to adults.

 

What am I talking about?

 

Feedback and respect.

 

You see, there are 3 types of attention we can give another human being:

 

Positive attention (Yes please)
Negative attention (Better than nothing)
No attention at all (No thanks)

 

So the beggar, when I politely refused his request for cash with direct eye contact and a warm smile, walked away with a reciprocal smile.

 

When other’s told him to go away in an aggressive tone, at least they recognized he existed.

 

But ignoring him as if he was “nothing”
Now that made him

 

And it’s just the same with kids.

 

Positive attention is their favourite, and if they can’t get that they get your attention my doing something they shouldn’t. That’s still better than being ignored.

 

How do you feel if people ignore you?

 

So how can this help you improve performance?

 

Well it’s all about feedback culture you see.
Time and time again people have told me that they hate working in a place where they get no feedback at all.

 

This is even worse than negative feedback.

 

So maybe it’s time to review and change your feedback culture and make sure you:

 

Give plenty of authentic, positive praise for who people are (“I love your enthusiasm”) and what they do “(That was a really great presentation”)
Give useful, clear, specific and constructive feedback for what people could improve (“I think the technical language in the first 2 pages could be simplified to help the reader”)
Never, ever give no feedback at all.

 

Give it a try and see what happens to your team’s motivation around you.

 

And one day it may just stop a Lithuanian beggar hitting you!

 

Your success partner

 

 

 

 

 

Steve Neale
“Europe’s Leading Expert on Personal and Professional Growth”

 

Want more time, less stress and better results?

 

The Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership is here to help you – Steve Neale’s BRAND NEW online leadership programme.  Click here  to watch an exciting new video all about the LPS!

Try asking the average person on the street what their values are, and don’t be surprised if they struggle to answer. The truth is, most people don’t have clarity on what their values are and how these values impact on them every single day of their lives.

Given that your values are the foundation of your life, trigger what makes you happy and unhappy, form the basis of your decision making and indeed are lie at the route of your judgement of others, I think it’s about time we started a values revolution – giving everyone the gift of knowing and understanding their values and how to use them in daily life.

So let’s explore this vital yet often unclear topic in more depth.

So first of all, what exactly are values?

Hyrum Smith defines values as

“what we believe to be of the greatest importance and of the highest priority in our lives”

The truth is, nobody can really prove in the scientific sense what values are, but it makes sense to see them as hard wired pathways in the brain – which are linked to our beliefs. Whether they are innate or develop due to our culture and upbringing is also unclear. Common sense says it is likely to be a combination of both. Sure there are some studies with identical twins who appear to have very different values (suggesting our values are innate), but it is also hard to believe that our environment through our childhood years does not influence our values.

The way I explain values is as follows:

Values form and are pretty much decided by teenage years (nature or nurture or both)
Beliefs grow from those values
Those beliefs and values trigger emotions, thoughts and actions

So, for example, let’s say a friend asks you if you want to help her for a new sports club for young people and one of your top values is “Health”

You subconscious mind, where your values are hard wired, hears the question, and this “triggers” your “health” value pathway.
Connected to that general value of health you have lots of beliefs, and two of those beliefs are “sport is good for children” and “kids should get more exercise these days”
This triggers a positive emotion to the question, and you feel engaged and interested.
This triggers a thought: “Sounds interesting”
This triggers your behaviour and you ask your friend “I like the idea, so what exactly do you have in mind”

And you feel happy about this process because all of this is aligned to your value of health and the beliefs that are connected to it

And then later in the same day another friend, who works for Coca Cola, asks you this question:

“I want to do an event for kids to encourage them to drink more Coke, will you help me?”

Now you heard that the average half litre bottle of Coke contains about 24 teaspoons of white sugar – so you get a very different response to this question. You feel irritated by the request, which triggers a thought “no way” and leads to the response “actually I am pretty busy at the moment”

If you went ahead with this and helped the second friend, your value of health would always be in conflict with the action and you would just feel not quite right.

So this is just one example of how our values impact on our feelings, thoughts and behaviours every day. The next question is how can we learn more about our values and be clear on what they are?

Well, simply taking a logical approach to this and attempting to write a list or, even worse, choosing your values from a set list, won’t be effective. Why? Because values aren’t logical and they don’t exist in the logical part of your brain – they are hard wired in your limbic system (your subconscious brain)

So let’s late a less direct approach – try asking yourself these questions:

What do you love to do?
Why is it important to you?
What does it give you?
What else do you get from it?

Chances are you might have come up with a value there. For example:

What do you love to do? “Read books”
Why is it important to you? “Because I love to explore the world of fiction”
What does it give you? “It’s about learning”
What else do you get from it? “A change to imagine and create – yes it’s about creativity for me”
So the values of learning and creativity are important to you?
Yes they are

So just by asking the right questions, you can help another person to become much clearer on their values.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Once you have a value, you can then go on to explore how you interpret that value – what does it mean to you in everyday life?



May 2014

Steve Neale’s online programme, the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership, contains a comprehensive, step by step guide to understanding your Values, how to coach to help find Values and how to apply Values in your daily life.

Just click here for more information…

On a recent training course I remember one of the delegates telling me how tired she got from work because “(she) could never be her true self at work”. This is a statement I have heard so many times and it always surprises me how many people have this belief in their heads.

Many people say they can’t be their real selves at work and can only truly be themselves when at home or with close friends. It is a myth that you have to put on an act at work – any time you spend striving to be someone you are not will take effort and drain your energy. People can tell when you are not being authentic. Get used to being more honest, open and assertive in all situations – strive to be the real you more of the time.

So how do you do this. Well actually, you need to develop a combination of areas from the Limbic Performance System.

Firstly, you must understand and be clear on your Personal Values – what matters most to you and life. Then you must develop your sense of self worth to be able to value yourself enough to stay true to your core values, and state openly and respectfully how you feel if someone steps on your values.
You also need a high level of self awareness, to notice how your instinct will tell you if you are playing a role and in a way not true to yourself.
Add into the mix effective conflict handling skills and a clear understanding of your personality and you are well on the way to a life of authenticity.

And what if you don’t? Well remember, it’s easy and effortless being you but it takes a lot of energy and effort to not be you!



April 2014

All of the development areas mentioned in this blog are comprehensively covered in Steve Neale’s online programme, the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership.

Here’s a philosophical question (best suited to an armchair around the log fire and a bottle of wine):
Do you live in the world or does the world live in you?
Personally, I believe the world lives in you. So what you see, notice and choose to focus on in this world is just a reflection of your inner beliefs. So if you believe the world is a horrible, negative place (“Life’s a bitch and then you die” type thing) then don’t be surprised if you tend to notice lots of negative things about the world (and watch out, as you have a high chance of catching that horrible and spreading disease, “Victimitis”)

You see our internal belief systems act as a filter to select what our conscious brain notices in the world. Let’s face it, we are bombarded by far too much information and far too many stimuli each day for the so-called intelligent or rational part of our brain to be aware of all of it.

So we form beliefs that helps us delete, distort and select the information we notice (isn’t it strange how people always buy newspapers that just so happen to agree with their political beliefs).

So, rather than feeding ourselves on the daily diet of negativity, helped of course by the media and TV programs, I wonder what would happen if more and more people focused on what really brings us happiness. And surprise surprise, that’s not material wealth (The richest countries in the world just happen to have the highest levels of depression, suicide and mental illness, especially among the wealthiest families). According to psychological studies, sharing, giving to others, empathy, being rather than doing, bringing more joy into our life and the lives of others and noticing the positive more than the negative will all make us feel happier. And I wonder what would all this happy energy do for our chances of saving the planet? We have had the dark ages. We have had the middle ages. We have had the industrial age. I sincerely hope in many years to come people do not look back on this age as the age and materialism, unhappiness and destruction.



March 2014