Category: Articles

What’s it about?:Rewinding traumatic experiences

 

Just about everyone…

 

Is likely to have something traumatic happen to them in their life.

 

The death of a loved one.
A car accident.
Being chastised my a school teacher in front of the class.

 

And for most people…

 

The traumatic memory fades and, aided by the healing of time, it loses it’s emotional impact on your life.

 

However, for many others, the mind keeps re-living the trauma – each time making the memory and the emotion attached to that memory stronger.

 

So the trauma lives on and becomes more powerful with time.

 

Possibly leading to…

 

Anxiety.
Depression.
Avoidance of certain situations.

 

You see…

 

The power of the ongoing trauma lies in the memory of the event being attached to or associated with a negative emotion.

 

So if you can detach the memory from the negative emotion, and instead teach the brain to associate the memory with a neutral emotion, or even a positive feeling, it is no longer a trauma.

 

And that’s when the REWIND technique is needed.

 

A simple and highly effective technique where a qualified therapist will help you to take control of your traumatic memory by reliving it.

 

But reliving it in a safe way.

 

So, after being hypnotised so you are in a deep state of relaxation, the therapist will get you to watch the trauma on a TV screen – from a safe distance.

 

And as you watch it you rewind it, fast forward it and generally play around with the memory – all the time from a safe distance.

 

And then…

 

When the memory has begun to lose it’s power over you, you step into the movie and again relive the memory with full control over it.

 

But this time…

 

You add some happy images (for example when I was helped to overcome a trauma a couple of weeks ago, I added some clowns in big baggy trousers to my memory).

 

And next…

 

You add some funny music, something that would bring a smile to your face.

 

And before you know it, after a few rewinds and fast forwards, the traumatic memory has lost its ability to trigger negative emotions in you.

 

And you re-emerge from the session trauma free!

 

So each time you think of the incident that caused the trauma, the emotions of fear or anxiety are gone.

 

Sounds simple, right?

 

Well actually it is!

 

Of course not every time for every person.
But, for most traumas, the REWIND technique is incredibly effective.

 

If you’d like to know more, just email me and I’ll share with you how it recently helped me overcome a traumatic experience that had been getting worse for 9 months. Not to mention the success stories of the many clients I’ve helped overcome trauma and irrational fears.

 

I’m off to rewind any unwanted traumatic experiences I don’t want to have a negative impact on me anymore and emerge free of trauma.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:How emotions can influence your behaviour

 

So somebody drives into the back of your car…

 

There you were, quietly waiting at the traffic lights when “whack” – a direct hit by the driver behind you who was not paying attention.

 

So what happens next?

 

Well, that’s largely down to the emotional state you choose to act from.

 

You see…

 

You could act from a state of fear.
In which case you might get out of the car, apologise and accept responsibility for not moving forwards!

 

Or perhaps anger is your dominant emotion.
You jump out of your car shouting all sorts of obscenities at the driver behind you, march aggressively over to his car and threaten to punch his lights out for being such a ****ing idiot!

 

Or perhaps…

 

A state of calm is your dominant emotion.
After making sure you are fine, you slowly walk back to the driver behind you and explain that no harm was done and that’s just another job for the insurance companies. You take down the relevant details and then calmly drive away.

 

Or how about kindness?

 

So once you have made sure you are ok, your primary concern is the driver behind you. You go and ask him how he is, remind him that it could happen to anyone, reassure him that you are fine and, after taking the insurance details, wish him a great day and reassure him once again that there’s nothing to worry about.

 

You see…

 

We always have a choice of behaviour. In all situations.

 

And your underlying emotional state, if you allow it to, will make that behavioural choice for you.

 

Fear typically leads to avoidance and submissive behaviour.
Anger often leads to aggression.
Calmness often leads to thoughtful and rational steps.
And kindness leads to concern for the welfare of others.

 

And what’s more…

 

You can learn to manage your emotions and therefore change your behaviours.

 

Even if your initial response was anger, you can choose to change that anger to a state of calm or even kindness.

 

And the win/win?

 

Acting from a place of fear or anger will drain your energy and you never feel better afterwards.

 

But…

 

Acting from emotions of calm and kindness will leave you feeling energised and fulfilled.

 

So the key question to ask yourself is, which dominant emotion am I allowing to influence and drive my behaviour?

 

I’m off to pay careful attention to my emotional states so I act from a place of kindness more often.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

“Making you feel small makes money”

 

In fact, it’s the founding principle that marketing and sales people use time and time again.

 

You see…

 

If advertising can make you feel you are lacking something without the product being sold, then of course you are driven to buy that product to find your true happiness.

 

Think about it…

 

You too can have beautiful hair if you but product X (therefore implying your hair is not beautiful now)

 

You too can be surrounded by beautiful women if you buy deodorant Y (implying both that your current body smell is not good enough and also implying that you will be more attractive if you use this brand)

 

You too can look slim and sexy if you eat product Z (implying that you are not slim and sexy already and indeed that this is really important in your happiness)

 

Problem is…

 

These continual messages chip away at your Self Belief – all of them saying the same thing…

 

“You are not good enough right now, but if you buy our product you will be happier/sexier/more popular, etc”

This is of course, complete nonsense!

 

These messages are just clever marketing games to first undermine your sense of self worth and then get you buy a product that you believe will increase your happiness.

 

But be honest…

 

Does the new shampoo really bring the lasting happiness promised in the TV ad?
Do you feel more attractive because you wear the latest eau de toilette?
Do others see you as more attractive because you eat low calorie yoghurt?

 

There is only one way you can really feel happier and worth more… by growing your self belief internally.

 

And first that means letting go.

 

Letting go of…

 

The old outdated beliefs that do not serve you.
The need to meet the expectations of others.
Worrying about what others thing about you.
Feeling guilty for doing what you really love.
Believing you are lacking something until you buy the “must have” product.

 

And then, once your garden has been cleared out of the old weeds, start to plant some new beliefs.

 

Beliefs around your inner beauty.
Beliefs around the value you bring to this world.
Beliefs around the wonderful qualities you possess.
Beliefs around your uniqueness and your right to be an individual.

 

And as you plant these new seeds, they will grow into stronger plants ands trees over time – as the neuronal pathways in your brain (that’s all a belief is) grow stronger and stronger.

 

Because after all…

 

“Neurones that fire together, wire together”

 

And don’t forget…

 

The new shampoo/car/pen/house/dress/perfume/low fat food/drink/shoes/necklace will never bring you lasting happiness.

 

Only your own inner belief garden can do that.

 

I’m off to ignore all the marketing lies I am sold and focus on growing my own sense of value and worth.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:Running your way

 

“You are going the wrong way”

 

That’s what they kept saying to me.

 

You see…

 

There I was, enjoying my normal morning run, when suddenly there were hundreds of runners coming towards me in the opposite direction.

 

And as they all passed me, I must have heard the same statement at least 20 times…

 

“You are going the wrong way.”

 

And that got me thinking…

 

Is it me that is going the wrong way, or all of you?

 

You see…

 

I have never been a person to “follow the crowd” and go in the same direction as most.

 

Just because the majority of people do it, does that make it the right thing to do?

 

In fact…

 

My take has always been, if the majority do it, there must be another, different way. Especially as many people seem to just follow the majority without questioning why.

 

So how about you?

 

How many times have you followed the crowd just because it’s what most people do?

 

Or maybe you have found yourself trying to meet the expectations of others?

 

Or trying to fit in?

 

But maybe deep down, you have not been happy.

 

And the more you think about it…

 

the more your realise your life planned for us so that we “fit in”

 

You have to accept the school system because that’s the way it is.
You have to believe these religious beliefs because that’s what we do in this family.
You have to dress a certain way because that’s what’s acceptable.
You have to have a 9 to 5 job because that’s what people do.
You have to support this sports team because people around here always do.
You have to take these pills because that’s what the doctor says.
You have to run in this direction because that’s what all the other runners do!

 

The truth?

 

You don’t have to do anything just because most people do it.

 

You can choose what you do every single day.

 

And the way I see it, I know or have met thousands of people who haven’t been really happy doing what they are supposed to do.
so following the crowd often isn’t the wise way.

 

Maybe it’s the easiest way.
Maybe it’s the accepted way.
Maybe it’s the “normal” way.

 

But is it the best way for you?

 

Here’s my definition of Personal Power:

 

“Having Personal Power means you know that all your successes and failures are your own. You do not blame your parents, your upbringing, society or others for your failures. And you do not think it was just chance that gave you success. Personal Power is realising that you, and only you, are in control of your own destiny.”
Steve Neale

 

And the more Personal Power you have, the less you need to just “fit in” and follow others.

 

Personal Power gives you more courage to follow the only path that is right for you – your way.

 

So the next time someone questions you for “going the wrong way”, maybe stop and ask if in fact you are the only one going the right way.

 

 

I’m off to choose my own path and politely disregard what others tell me I should be doing.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

Do you know the story of the 2 wolves?

 

You see…

 

You have 2 wolves living inside of you.

 

Wolf 1 is very negative. It focuses on bad things, judges people, listens to the news every day, thinks bad thoughts, expects the worse.

 

In fact…

 

It is fair to say that wolf 1 is generally miserable and unhappy.

 

So what about wolf 2?

 

Well that’s your optimistic wolf.
It sees opportunities, focuses on the good in people, appreciates the good in the world, things mostly positive thoughts and expects the best.

 

Wolf 2 is a pretty happy wolf.

 

So now the big question, which of your wolves is strongest and moist dominant inside of you?

 

The answer?

 

It depends on which of the wolves you feed the most.

 

You see, each day you can offer anger, negativity and frustration to wolf 1 and it will grow stronger.

 

Or you can choose to feed wolf 2 more of what it likes.
Offering it positivity, opportunity, love and kindness.
Because wolf 2 loves all of those things and gets stronger each day when this is what you feed it.

 

So which animal will you allow to grow strongest inside of you today?

 

I’m off to make sure I feed wolf 2 so it becomes the strongest wolf inside of me.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

The pursuit of happiness…

 

A much debated and HUGE topic.

 

And so many different ideas and people offering you their solution. (Which usually means buying their product)

 

So how do you find true happiness in life?

 

My answer – as an experienced psychologist who has worked with more than 20,000 clients so far?

 

I haven’t got a clue!

 

You see…

 

First off there is no definitive answer to this question.
Happiness is a highly subjective thing.

 

So what brings happiness to your life may not do the same for others.

 

But there’s an even bigger question to consider here?

 

Should you live your life in pursuit of happiness at all?

 

The problem is…

 

To be chasing happiness implies that you don’t already have it.
And to set the bar of true happiness really high suggests you still have some distance to go before you get there.

 

In other words, there’s a gap between where you are and where you want to be.

 

And that gap creates a tension.
Possibly even a feeling of failure.
A sense of unmet expectations.

 

And this can lead you to feeling unhappy!

 

Don’t get me wrong…

 

Humans seem to thrive on setting goals, making plans and achieving something that feels meaningful.

 

But rather than continually chasing this elusive thing called happiness, maybe it makes more sense to embrace the joyous moments each day brings.

 

And what’s more…

 

Embrace the negative emotions too.

 

If you set your expectation so high that you expect to be happy all of the time – what will happen?

 

Well, unless you are some kind of superhuman, your expectations won’t get met.

 

Which may lead…

 

To feelings of sadness, loss or disappointment.

 

So rather than pursuing happiness, would it make more sense for you to pursue realistic mixed emotions of joy, sadness, elation, fun, irritation and all the other wealth of emotions life will bring you?

 

And in this more realistic and honest pursuit, could it be that you discover more happiness?

 

I’m off to pursue a realistic life of mixed emotions and embrace the good and the more challenging stuff.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:Empathy, Compassion and Kindness

 

Have you ever noticed…

 

That if you smile at a baby, the baby will smile back at you.

 

That’s because…

 

Just like you and I, babies have millions of mirror neurones in their brains – nerve cells specifically designed to “mirror” the behaviour and feelings of others.

 

And what’s more….

 

These mirror neurones are the foundation of Empathy. They allow you to “feel” what another person is feeling.

 

That’s why…

 

You might cry when watching a sad film
…or feel anxious watching a horror movie
…or feel happy watching a funny film.

 

Empathy, made possible by your mirror neurones, is the starting point for you to live a more fulfilled life.

 

You see…

 

Empathy can lead to compassion.
And compassion can lead to acts of kindness.
And acts of kindness benefit you in multiple ways.

 

So here’s what happens in the steps from empathy to increasing your own levels of happiness.

 

1. You consciously pay attention to others and allow your mirror neurones to “feel what they feel.”
2. You generate compassionate thoughts and want to help the other person.
3. You translate those thoughts into actions and you carry out an act of kindness to help the other person.
4. That act of kindness has numerous “side effects” producing a number of feel good chemicals and emotions inside you.

 

And what exactly are these side effects of kindness?

 

In sum kindness increases the levels of serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin in your body – all of them producing positive feelings.
In addition kindness suppresses cortisol and adrenaline release – reducing levels of stress and anxiety.

 

So, next time you see a baby smile when someone smiles at him or her, remember that those mirror neurones are just the staring point for something greater.

 

And you always have the potential to:

 

Allow more empathy into your life.
Make space for more compassion.
Make time to let that compassion feed more acts of kindness.
And reap the benefits of your kindness.

 

Now if that’s not a win-win, I don’t know what is!

 

I’m off to show more empathy, compassion and kindness to others and receive the inevitable benefits.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:Thoughts

 

Thoughts…

 

They are what make us different to all other species on the planet.

 

They enable us to create.
To plan.
To imagine.
To communicate (when we combine them with language )

 

They can be your biggest friend.
Or your biggest enemy.

 

And what’s more…

 

The quality of your life depends on your thoughts.

 

People living happy, fulfilled life tend to automatically think more constructive, useful thoughts.

 

And unhappy people tend to ruminate.
Imagining the worst.
Focusing on what could go wrong.

 

And these thoughts are then translated into feelings and, possible actions. So they impact on all elements of your life.

 

So here’s the million dollar question…

 

How do you Master your thoughts?

 

Simple answer?

 

With great difficulty.

 

Your emotional states.
Your past memories and experiences.
Your beliefs.
Your expectations.
Your judgments.

 

They all influence the way you think.

 

But here’s one thing to remember when you are stuck in the whirlwind of a negative thought cycle…

 

You are not your thoughts.

 

You have the ability to step back from them.
Notice them.
Observe them.
And change them.

 

Stop for a moment now and notice what you are thinking.

 

Easy right?

 

And so who was doing that noticing?

 

You were. The real you.

 

Not the you that your thoughts sometimes fool you into believing you are.

 

So the old philosophy of “I think therefore I am” needs an upgrade.

 

How about…

 

“I can observe my thoughts (and feelings and actions), therefore I am”

 

I’m off to remind myself that, whist always respecting my thoughts, I am not my thoughts.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:Trust

 

It’s all about balance…

 

Too much of it can be a bad thing.
Too little of it can be a bad thing.

 

The “it” in question?

 

TRUST

 

You see…

 

In order to develop healthy, lasting relationships in life, you need a healthy level of trust in others.

 

Trusting others enough to be open with them.
Trusting others enough to share your vulnerabilities.
Trusting others enough to be honest.

 

Does this mean you should trust everyone, all of the time?
Well…no.
That would just be naive.

 

And sadly…

 

There are people who will take advantage of the trust you put in them.

 

And what happens to you if your trust is betrayed?

 

Typically, you will have an emotional response which will teach your brain to mistrust people.

 

Or at least to mistrust people that your brain “connects” to the person who betrayed your trust.

 

(This could be as general as “I will never trust another man,” for example)

 

But too much mistrust is also a bad thing.

 

Never trusting people often leads to an isolated, miserable life.

 

Never opening up.
Never sharing your woes.
Never taking a risk in the name of love.

 

So you see…

 

Trust is all about balance.

 

Healthy Trust, as I call it, lies somewhere in between mistrust and too much trust.

 

It is about believing that people are trustworthy until they prove you wrong.
It is about looking for evidence that you can or can’t trust someone.
It is not generalising to all people if your trust was once betrayed by a …. (insert gender, nationality, name here)

 

And what’s more…

 

It’s about taking a risk.

 

In life there are no guarantees.
And this also applies to the trust you put others.

 

But, even if that trust gets betrayed once in a while, isn’t trusting others worth it for all the fabulous relationships you form on this exciting journey.

 

I’m off to practice healthy levels of trust in my relationships.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.

What’s it about?:Energy

 

You are 99.9999999% Nothing!

 

And no, I am not trying to give you the worst criticism you have ever received and claim that you are worthless!

 

I am just pointing out a scientific fact.

 

You see…

 

We tend to think of ourselves as being solid matter.
But all matter is made up of cells.
And all cells only contain a tiny amount of solid matter.

 

The other 99.9999999% is nothing.
Space.
A void of emptiness.

 

Well, actually, that’s not completely true…

 

Because that emptiness is actually measurable energy.

 

Your heart, for example, radiates an energy field which can be measured in at least a 5 metre radius around you.

 

And what’s more…

 

Everything in the world around you is also mostly energy.

 

Your mobile phone.
The tree in your garden.
The sandwich you ate for lunch.

 

All 99.9999999% energy.

 

And your energy and the energy of those things around you is constantly connecting and mixing.

 

You give out energy waves to your surroundings.
Your surroundings deliver energy waves to you.

 

That’s why…

 

You may have had the experience that you feel drained of energy when you have just spent time with someone who is an energy taker.

 

And another time…

 

You feel great after spending just a few minutes with a different person.

 

Or perhaps…

 

A certain place drains your energy whist a different environment raises your energy level.

 

And this constant exchange of energy never stops.

 

Because energy can’t be created or destroyed.
It can only be converted from one for or another.

 

Makes you think, doesn’t it?

 

Are you spending too much time in energy draining environments filled with energy draining people?

 

Or are you mostly spending your time in a thriving environment surrounded by energy giving things and people?

 

And if you do find yourself energy deficient, what do you do to recharge that energy?

 

I’m off to be careful about the environments and people I choose to spend my time with and keep my giving and receiving energy healthy.

 

How about you?

 

To your fulfilment.

 

Steve

 

 

Click here for more about my Award Winning Limbic Performance System Online Programme:
http://stevenealeinternational.com/kajabi/

 

Version 3.0 is out soon!

 

 

Steve Neale
“Creator of the Limbic Performance System for Outstanding Leadership”

 

Psychologist, Executive Coach, EI Practitioner, Award Winning Trainer, International Author, Psychodynamic Therapist, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Instructor, International Speaker, Creator of the LPS, Creator of the Accredited Masters in High Performance Leadership.